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Artist | Student | Varied
United Kingdom
Creative Writing Student at London South bank
I have no idea what I truly I want to do in the future, being pressured by all to do something in the form of literature
Jazzy and Zazzy
I want to be a writer, a cosplayer and an organizer

Twisted Mentality

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 14, 2013, 2:22 AM
A few things to explain my mentality;
Why Am I so Twisted?
Why Do I take something simple and innocent and destroy it
Why do I seem afar like the bad guy?

Right. Big Answer to all your questions. I have Schizophrenia. Not only that, it has somehow mixed with creating a variation of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Psychosis Delusions.  Every Character I have ever created for my stories, fan fictions, free writing, poetry, song lyrics, plays, role play and Larp, has become a manifestation that I can create and talk to as if with another person, I have once stood in an empty field and brought all of them to life. I was surrounded by more than 500 people, they were like individual pieces yet connected to a larger puzzle that what went inside my head. 

When I was younger, I was bullied, and my self defense was swear words, which i knew very loosely as I was held back a year for not speaking proper English. Oh yes, I am Russian by the way. But I have been living in this country for 18 years now. 

Right, as being bullied, my mind could not cope, so it created two separate personalities. One was total bliss and the other was the anger. The bliss came into play when I tried to find solace. All the pent up anger began to build up within one place and sometimes burst out saying swear words, racist words and anger towards one’s body. I began cutting myself and even tried to commit suicide from the ages of 8 till 15. 

From then, more personalities formed, for different reasons; one for wiseness, one for happiness, another for grief, another for complete sadistically nature, another just pure death, another genius and another fabulous. 

I think around when I was in Year 10 or 11, I had around 27 different personalities. When I started sixth form,I began to find solace in anime and cosplay, and soon those personalities slowly merged with each other.  As I started and finished college, only seven remained; Professor Echo, Darren Eath, Mikhail, Sepharim Blackhurst, Master Endless, Exodus and Ragnorak. Each one represented something within me. 
Mikhail, that was me, was the Humanity, the one tethered to this world and was close to the original.
Professor Echo is Chaos, He is the Sadistic Nature of the Personalities, one who is more twisted than anyone, yet would not cause harm without thinking of the repercussions.
Master Endless was the wise man. The Brains and the Smartest out of all of the 7. He was the Law
Darren Eath was my blissfulness. My free spirit and the nature part of me.
Sepharim Blackhurst was my protection. He was the athletic part of me, he came into play when anything physical was involved, be it sports, simple running, or fighting.
Exodus was the protection. He never surfaced, but he was a combination of the previous five and the cage and lock of my hidden personality
Ragnorak was all the built and pent up anger and hate I had for the world and the people around me. I never remembered what happened if he was in control.

When each personality was in control, I had a vague memory of what each did. 

Now my second year of University has begun. None of the personalities exist any more, they are simply figments of my imagination that come to me when I need solace within myself and my own soul. I imagine colossal creations of planets, worlds, races and weather patterns, with spectacular range of people and animals.

I guess my mind is open, wide and chaotic. Anything that is considered innocent, is tainted by mind unconsciencelly, I have no whatsoever control over the process. I cannot control it, I can only weaken, suppress and numb it.


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Thank you fot the fav~ *-* :heart: :meow: :la:
From every single one of us here at DreamsOverRealityPro, thank you so SO much for the favourites, they are greatly appreciated! ^.^
YutarnaThetys Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch :)
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lighterfoXXX Jan 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
thank you for the watch and fave :D:heart:
akkykun Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the watch :)
Thank you for the watch~ *-* :heart: :meow: :la: :squee: :happybounce: 
PWheartgal Dec 8, 2013   General Artist
Thanks so much for faving "Now Kiss!!"
thank you so much for watching ! :D

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